the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
