I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
