You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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