The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
