Girls should come with a carfax report
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
