I need to stop coming to work sober
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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