they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
