I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
