Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
