My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
