It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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