tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
