I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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