He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
