i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
