Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
