Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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