i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
