My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
