They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
