Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
