A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
