Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
