I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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