All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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