He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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