Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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