LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
