her vagine was all disorganized.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
