I think I died a long time ago.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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