i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
