you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
