FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
