We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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