he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
