I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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