I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
