So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
