Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
