That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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