I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
