i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
