Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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