some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
