Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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