i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
