I wish I could teleport
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
