I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
