i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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