I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
